It may be one of those things that seem obvious. If you are surrounded by people you know, then you are hardly likely to be lonely very often. If you have a great deal of friends or a large family, you would not think you would get lonely all that much. If you spend a whole lot of time on your own, however, it is expected that you would feel lonely.
Except that solitude comes from something quite different from just being lonely. The fact remains that you could be surrounded by people who love and care about you and still feel lonely. If you will need to speak to someone but do not know who you can trust with your vulnerability, it won’t matter how many men and women are nearby. If fifty people ask how you’ve been and you can just lie “fine” to all of them, which is being lonely.
But if you’ve got one friend – one great friend, that you care about, who cares about you, who you would trust with your darkest secrets, that you know will always be there when things are serious no matter how many pizza parties they’re late for – then you will never be lonely. But people have these preconceptions in their minds that solitude does is only a matter of being alone too much. So you might be surrounded by people and still feel as if there is something lacking – and not understand why.
Take into account
That missing thing is, far too often, someone you feel comfortable with no matter what. Someone who will not care how grumpy you are since they know when you are upset. Someone who’ll forget their problems so they can celebrate with you when you’re getting things right. Someone who you trust because you know that they trust you to do the exact same things. And not having that yet does not mean that the intimate or sexual facets of your life are lacking. It may just mean that the people in these roles are not those you wish to open up to about everything.
And while lots of men and women hold up how much they value their privacy as the reason for shutting people out, there’s a significant difference between being a private individual and being the sort of person who finds it hard to trust others. Loneliness, initially, may look like something that’s sad, but bearable. It might see like the type of thing that’s tolerable, that individuals can live with.
But it’s been demonstrated over and over again that it is really not. People who spend their lives alone are likely to die sooner and have more health problems than people who are better emotionally fulfilled.
Loneliness has been shown to cause high blood pressure and high cholesterol and to suppress the immune system. It’s the type of psychological toll that brings onto the physical to such an extent that people wind up putting themselves through plenty of unnecessary suffering. It’s very important to trust people. And it is important to have someone to confide in – if you would like to share what you feel sensitive about or something which makes you deliriously pleased. Having someone to speak to, to empathise with you and to know you’re among the most valuable things you can get. If you’re fortunate enough to have that, hold onto it. If you aren’t, bear in mind that it’s out there, which you find it by trusting people with your insecurities and your vulnerabilities. And then all of the loneliness goes away. Whether you have that in your life, bear in mind that a whole lot of people do not. Be the sort of person that people can trust with their sorest feelings and their sweetest joys, who makes people feel special, who validates their thoughts and their feelings.